Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Grief
So today I had one of my sessions with my pastor. He has been doing grief counseling and well just counseling with me since a few weeks after David died. There really isn't much more he can do for me. I know it is all up to me now. But when I have one of my sessions I feel safe and know I can say how much I just miss David. I know I can tell my friends to but I have this fear that there will come a point when they are sick of hearing it so I try not to say it to often to them and save it up for my sessions. Today he asked me what I miss the most about David. I miss every little thing about him. I just miss having him here with me. I miss being able to look over to his chair and see him sitting there sleeping. I miss being able to reach out to his side of the bed and feel him lying there. I miss looking forward to him coming home to me. I just miss him so much. How am I supposed to live without him? In theory I am only midway through my life span, how do I live another 40+ years without him? He wasn't perfect but he was mine. I didn't go out looking for him but there he was and he wanted me. Why I will never understand but he wanted me and now he is gone and I am all alone again. And so the tears started flowing in my session and now they can't stop. I hate this feeling, it is just so overwhelming. =(
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2 comments:
{{hugs}} to you, becky. i can't imagine what you're going through. if you need someone, please reach out. {{hugs}}
Oh Becky...thanks alot. Now you've got me crying. You can tell me how much you miss David as much as you want. I would never have the right to get "tired" of hearing it. If I ever do "feel" that way...I'll try to stop myself, and ask, "How would I feel if I were Becky?" Never stop remembering him [I don't know how you could], but remember that you DO have those 40+ years to go and you shouldn't be alone. David wouldn't want that for you. ;)
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