UGH!!!!!

So last week I asked my family doctors office to fax paperwork to my disability place from work, so my claim could be extended to the dates they were keeping me off.  Nothing major, right?  Find out today they never faxed any of it and now my extension has been denied so no money coming any time soon!  So angry and frustrated and just so depressed.  Yes I can and will appeal it.  Yes my ortho doctors office is now in the process of faxing their own set of paperwork.  But none of that helps me when there is no money coming in to pay all of my other bills.

I am scheduled to get a shot in my back next week on July 3rd. Hoping that will help that area at least! Plus an mri of my shoulder, an appt with the new neuro and an EMG test all scheduled for later in July.  And switching to a new family doctor, that appt is very end of July and can't come soon enough!!!!

I am so tired of being in pain and crying and not knowing what is going on.  Then add all the stupid paperwork and being at the mercy of these doctors and what they do and don't do. =(

Some good news...

First the latest breast exam seems to be okay.  They said there was something to do with my glad there, but it appears to be nothing to worry about.  I am to keep doing self exams and do another mammogram in a year to see if anything changes.

Second because the bills have been piling up and most of the testing has been done at one hospital I applied for financial aid there and it was approved.  Sure I still have other medical bills i.e. all the doctors visits to pay, but they are nothing compared to what all of the mri's and other tests were adding up to.  Very thankful for Parkview and how easily they worked with me!!

As the world turns....

Today's appt was with my ortho doctor. Basically at this point the only doctor I truly trust anymore! Arm seems to be getting worse by the day.  Back is now hurting again, felt it pop the other night when I was taking a shower.  And of course we are on headache day 83, and today is one of the really bad headache days.  So ortho doc takes x-rays of left shoulder and has now ordered another mri. He also ordered an emg test for my right leg and left arm. Because either the bulging discs in my back aren't showing up right on the mri or there is something else going on.  He was not pleased with who I was sent to neuro wise the other day and how he said the lesions on my brain are nothing to be worried about.  So Dr. Smith made a phone call and I am now scheduled to see Dr. Chang next month!  You know the neuro doctor my ortho doctor wanted me to see but I was told wasn't accepting new patients.  It's amazing how you can get in when a doctor makes the call/request!

So emg test scheduled for near the end of July, along with I think a steroid shot to my lower back/spine.
MRI of shoulder area to be scheduled.
Appt with new neuro Dr. Chang is scheduled for a week before the emg test, and I am to tell him it has been scheduled so he knows to watch for the results.
Ultrasound scheduled this coming Monday for right breast because mammogram may or may not have shown something.  My breast is to dense (much like the rest of me lol) so they have to be sure.

By the end of this year I think I will have had every possible test they can run on me.  Maybe I should schedule a pap smear and a colonoscopy while I'm at it?  I mean why not get them all out of the way! I honestly don't know whether to cry or laugh about it all.  I just know I hurt from head to toe all the time and I just want them to figure it out or at least get me on a medication that will ease the pain.  I don't even care if I have to take these meds forever, I just want to stop hurting. *sigh*

Frustration level reaching critical!

So I go to my family doctor for the results of my brain mri.  This is what my ortho doctor told me to do.  My doctor walks in and tells me he doesn't understand why I am there.  They could have told me what I needed to know over the phone and I need a neurologist for all of this.  I tell/remind him about my issues with my neurologist and how my ortho doctor told me to do this in the mean time.  So he tells me what the mri showed, which is that there are lesions but it doesn't look like anything major and I need to be seen by a neurologist for specifics.  He then says he will see if they can get me in to a different neurologist but almost all of them in town are part of FW Neuro.  So basically good luck.  I tell him the swelling in my arm is worse and how it hurts to even pick up a pencil.  He says he can't do anything about that, that it is tied in with my headaches and the mri report.  Okay.  Luckily there are still a few neurologist not part of "the fw group" and they actually had an open appt right then!  So off I go, he seemed good.  Told me it was not migraines and is trying me on a different medication.  Come back in a month or if the headaches don't get better call.  I ask him about my arm.  He says it has nothing to do with neuro that my family doctor is who would deal with that.  Umm okay except he said the exact opposite!

So I try and call this one family doctor that comes highly recommended.  She does the general stuff but also specializes more in hormone issues, like my hypothyroidism.  I called on Monday, left a message.  I called on Tuesday, left a message.  I figure I will give it one more try today.  They answered the phone!  And then I am told that in order to be seen by this doctor I have to go to a new patient orientation and the next one isn't until Aug 26.  What?!  First they couldn't call me back the last two days to tell me that and seriously I have to wait two months to do an orientation and then who knows when my first appt would be.

So now I am going to try and get into my next choice.  But of course her office isn't open on Wednesdays so I have to wait until tomorrow.

So arm getting worse, but I have to wait.
Headache day 81, could improve but who knows when.
Mental stability is tetering close to the edge and my dislike of doctors in general is increasing by the minute.

One step forward, two steps back

So the MRI of my neck showed no pinched nerve or anything except the deterioration the x-rays showed.  However something did show up at the base of my brain.  So a new MRI has been scheduled for Monday morning of my brain.  With and without contrast.  My ortho doctor wants me to go back to neurology and well that has been going so great and all you know.  He said he is willing to make a call if that's what it takes to get me into the neurologist he prefers.  But who knows if that will help.  Neurologists aren't exactly at the top of my list of doctors I trust right now.  My left arm continues to swell, the pain and numbness is increasing by the day.  But hey, let's take our time figuring this all out. 

Yesterday had a mammogram done with Francine's Friends.  Got a call today that I have to go back in and have them done over.  They say not to worry, that I probably just moved or something. 

Today is headache day 73. =(

First official diagnosis

So my family doctor ran blood work last week.  Got the results today.  I have hypothyroidism. It explains a lot of stuff. Along with that diagnosis my cholesterol is also off along with my blood sugars.  He was not concerned with my blood sugars at all.  Felt once I got the thyroid under control that would get the blood sugars back to where they should be.  They were just a little off.  Of course he says this all calmly and matter of fact, while my head is spinning and I am trying to take it all in.  He started me on a low does of medication for the thyroid and cholesterol and said we will increase as need be. Then of course he says we need to see what the mri results of my neck from this friday show.  I know it's good that I know something is wrong and that I am now on track to correcting it, but I also know this is not going to be as easy as he makes it sound.

And in an update on switching neurologists.  Not one single neurologist at the Parkview office is accepting patients.  At least that is what I was told.  Maybe I am reading to much in to it.  But something feels hinky to me.  Sorry but I don't buy it.  I feel like they are all closing in ranks.  I was given the option of staying with my current neurologist or seeing if any of the ones at the Lutheran office are accepting patients.  I said I was willing to see if any of them at the Lutheran office was accepting patients.  I do not trust the neurologist I am currently seeing.  He wouldn't let me finish a sentence.  He told me I can't have this or that without ever running all of the proper tests to rule it out.  He made up his mind that I simply have a migraine and he isn't willing to look any further.  I want a doctor who is willing to realize that not all headaches are migraines.  That we each needed to be treated as individuals and that we needed to be treated with care and compassion and listened to!

I hurt, I hurt from head to toe. The only time I seem to find any relief is when I am lying flat on my stomach.  Yes I finally found a position that works for both my head and my neck! Unfortunately I can't stay that way 24/7. LOL! Because of my neck my left arm and fingers and toes are "asleep" more then they are awake and it's starting to happen to my right side now as well.  And I am beginning to think my lips and cheeks may never wake up again either. This living in limbo sucks and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.

And I miss my husband.  I want him here, with me.  I need him. I just need him to be able to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay, that he will be with me every step of the way.  Yet he isn't here.  I am having to do this without him.  We were supposed to grow old together and I am stuck growing old prematurely by myself! Unless you have lost a spouse you can't even begin to imagine the ache that comes with it.  How now matter how much time goes by you are still left with this enormous empty space in your life that just can never be filled by anything or anyone else.  No matter how hard you try. I miss David.