Nine months

When you are a kid time moves so slowly and yet as an adult it moves so fast.  How can nine months have gone by already since David died?  When will I stop thinking about him and how long he has been gone everyday?  And when that finally happens will I then feel guilty for not thinking about him and how long he has been gone everyday?  This is how my mind works.  I want to be able to I guess you would say move on with my life and yet I feel as if I do move on with my life I will be leaving David behind.  As if he didn't matter to me or I didn't love him enough.  This being a widow sucks eggs!  I'm afraid of moving on to quickly and not moving on quickly enough.  UGH!  And all I really want is to just be with David damn it!