So once again I have neglected this blog.  I always say, "oh I should make a post about that."  Then I get busy or tired or playing on facebook and never do.

I "updated" the look of the blog.  Some day I will settle on one, I promise.

In the meantime this pic I saw on facebook has been on my mind a lot.

I was drawn to it because honestly I prefer the ideal's of the bottom one then I do the top one.  Because I am over weight I wish more people on tv and in movies looked like the Dove girls then the Victoria's Secret models.  Thing is, what does it matter?  Are all of the women in both images pretty?  They are.  If one is starving oneself to look a certain way that is bad.  If one is overweight and unhealthy because of it, that is bad.  One can be super thin and be naturally healthy.  One can be over weight and still be healthy.  It isn't the size of the body that matters but what you do with it.  How you live your life.  I do want to lose weight but not because I "should" be a size 2 or whatever.  But because diabetes runs in my family and getting my weight down will help keep me from getting it, or if I do get it, managing it better.  I should not have to lose weight to find someone to want to marry me.  I was basically this size when David fell in love with me.  He saw me for who I am, not just what I look like.  And if my big old butt was good enough for him then to heck with any man who isn't willing to look past it.  I wouldn't want to be with that type of guy anyway.  I wish we as people, and especially women, could look at each other and not say "do you see how big/skinny she/he is?"  Because size is not the only thing you are.  You can be the "perfect size 2" but be cold and cruel.  You could be a size 32 and be the most wonderful, loving, giving person in the world.  The old don't judge a book by it's cover is so true.

Each of us have something about our bodies we don't like, no matter how "perfect" we appear to someone else.  I realized the other day that I can look at someone and say I wish I looked more like them.  But you know what?  There might be someone out there who is heavier then I am and they could be saying they wished they look like me.  It's all in perspective, isn't it?  And thus ends my deep thoughts for today.

It's funny how TV can imitate life, or I should say my life.  Being home sick I am getting caught up on some of my tv shows and I just watched last weeks Mike and Molly.  In it they are talking about having kids.  Molly says she never wanted kids till she got with Mike.  That is how I was, until I got with David.  Then I wanted his kids.  Yes we never had them, but being with him opened my heart to the possibility of being a Mom and now I still would love to be one.  It's amazing how the love of the right person can make you see yourself in ways you never thought possible.

Do you ever wonder where your life is leading you?  I know I do and I hate not knowing lol!  But I wonder if I knew would that change anything about how I live my life?  Would I be more cautious?  More reckless?  Not true to who I really am?  I do know that at this point I do appreciate the little things in life so much more.  Like stopping into work to get my schedule and people being happy to see me.  Co-workers whom I now consider friends wanting to get together outside of work.  Going out for dinner with one of my best friends and having not just silly talk but a discussion that really makes you think.  This world we live in is so complex and the more I learn the more I am thankful God gave me a brain that allows me to ask questions, listen to answers and an open mind that allows me to change my opinions from time to time.  Life is so unexpected and I think it is for the best because if you knew what was going to happen we would be bored to tears!

I hate being sad.  I hate when I let things beyond my control cause me to be even sadder then I am on a normal basis.  I hate feeling sick and tired because it makes me even more emotional then ever.  I just really am not in a happy place tonight at all!