What a week!  I got the job at Kohl's that I had interviewed for.  It is only seasonal to start but has the potential of lasting after if I prove myself to be a good employee, which I will!  My computer crashed and I had to completely restore it back to factory whatever.  Still have no audio but that is the least of my worries.  Found out I have been accepted to go back to college, where I am going to major in elementary education.  And I now feel guilty for having such a good week and feeling so happy.  I know David has been gone a year.  And I know he would want me to be happy and get on with my life.  But I feel like it is still to soon to feel the happiness I felt this past week.  Like by feeling that happiness it's as if I am saying I don't miss David as much as I do or our life together didn't mean as much as it did.  It's just a weird set of emotions to deal with and no one should ever have to deal with them.  But we do, everyday young widows and widowers have to get on with their lives without the love of their lives.  We get up and go about living even though there is a part of us inside still that feels dead and lost without our spouses.  It sucks really that our happiness is now so connected with our sadness.  It's a new kind of marriage really and not a good one at all but it is our new reality, our new normal.