When this grief journey first started my pastor said it was like being in the ocean. You could always feel the water moving but every once in awhile the waves would come crashing down on you. So basically you are sad all the time but every once in awhile the grief just overwhelms you. And that was true the first 9 months or so. But the last couple of months I feel like it's more like being on a roller-coaster. You slowly work up to feeling okay or even happy or content or even just okay and then boom you are barreling down into the darkness in an almost freefall. It's worse then the ocean because the grief when it hits now is coming more and more out of the blue and just sucker punches you. Sure I understand why it's happening but it just seriously shoves me backward and I so don't like it. But I am liking myself, I am seeing that I have potential. I'm not perfect and never will be and I am okay with that.
I also know that I am very blessed. Blessed because I do still have God in my life and I am closer to him now then I ever have been. I also have a mom who loves me and I know she hates seeing me in pain and she tries her best to help me. And I have friends, so many friends and I will forever be grateful for each and everyone of them. They have helped me in so many ways. When something like this happens you do find out who your friends are and I love mine so much and I have so many more then I ever realized.
Less then a month until the one year anniversary. The roller-coaster is probably going to be working over time, especially cause I am an overly emotional person even on a good day lol.
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