Whether you want it to or not. I have always known that but now I really see it. When David died I wanted to, it would have been so easy to just go further into myself and block out the rest of the world. But either because it really wasn't in me to do that or because enough people cared about me to keep nudging me out I didn't. My life before David died was, well David. I did go to Curves and Spiece and do exercise classes without him and of course he had his dialysis and golf he did without me but other then that we were together all the time. It's one of the reasons why I miss him so much every single minute of the day.
However since then I still go to Spiece, though haven't lately cause the pool is closed for maintenance. I am helping with out Church's foodbank on two different teams so twice every six weeks. I am going to be folding the Church bulletins once every eight weeks. I go to Wednesday morning Bible Study, will be going to Sunday morning Bible Study when it starts up the Sunday after Labor Day. I am going to try teaching ESL to Burmese students every Monday night at Church. On Wednesday's I get together with my friends for a weight loss/general support group. Bowling starts soon and even though I only joined for David I am still going to do it because I miss my friends. There is talk of starting an evening Bible Study that I would go to. And I am still subbing all the time for EACS in the kitchen. I have a life and not one that costs lots of money, just time and energy and lots of love.
I didn't think I would survive David dying. I still have moments where I question if I really really will. But I am actually enjoying everything I am doing. I am getting out and helping others and I love doing that. I am getting closer and closer to God and I really love that. I wish I hadn't lost David but I am thankful I am finding myself and I like who I am! I think I am a pretty caring and giving person and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm not beautiful, not even that pretty but I have a large heart that just wants to help and be happy. It's a pretty good start I think. =)
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