It feels like the only entries I make on here lately are about me being sick and/or crying.  I have had sinus and sore throat issues for over a week now.  And the thing is I have been feeling better.  But tonight when I stood up to go to the bathroom the room started spinning and then I felt like I was going to get sick.  I know it's cause my right ear is still bugging me but as I lay there on the bed all I could do was burst into tears.  It's moments like these that just make me so acutely aware of how much I miss David.  There isn't anything he could do but hold me and that is just what I need right now the most.  And it's like I just get filled with this overwhelming realization that he is gone, that I will never see him again.  How can he be dead?  He isn't supposed to be dead!  He got his kidney, things were supposed to be okay for us cause he got that damned kidney.  But what good did it do?  He died anyway.  I want to wake up and find him sitting in his chair.  I want this all to have been some strange dream/nightmare.  Some parts of the last two years have been very good.  My friends are the best you could ever hope for.  I love my family.  And I have a job I really enjoy even when I don't lol.  But without David it all still is just really empty.  I need him, I just really need him.