I feel like whether I am married or a widow my life is pretty boring.  Which I guess could and is a good thing?  Oh sure happy excitement is always good but bad excitement is bad so I will take boring over bad stuff any day of the week.  And basically right now I just feel like I am in a holding pattern.  I go to work or church or do things with my friends and that is it.  I feel like there is nothing meaningful happening in my life.  At least with David I had him to take care of and try and keep healthy and I think that gave me purpose.  But now, I don't know.  I don't even know what I am looking for anymore, but I hope when it finds me I know it.