Does anyone watch Brother's and Sister's?  I was a little worried about watching it this year because one of the characters lost her husband.  I had read previews and they had said the show would move forward one year after Robert had died.  But they were wrong.  Yes they moved forward a year but Robert had been in a coma for that one year and Kitty had to make the decision no one should ever have to make.  She made the decision I had to make with David.  To say I cried watching that episode would be an understatement!  However it has gotten better since then. I want to quote a couple of scenes from two different episodes that really hit home for me.  The first one aired on 10/24/10 and is titled "Call Mom."  In it The mom Norah is competing for a job on a radio station with another woman and the title of the radio show will be Call Mom.  Kitty has been dating a man and they go to make love and she can't.  So she calls her mom and finds out she is on the radio so they patch her through and she asks how to deal with this live on the radio.

Kitty:  "I recently lost my husband."
Norah: "Katherine (Kitty used a fake name) that sounds like a very hard situation."
Kitty: "Yes but I met another man."
Norah: "You did?  Well that sounds wonderful."
Kitty: "But when things got to close, you know what I mean?  I couldn't do it.  I mean I literally could not do it.  And and I panicked and I ran away."
Norah:  "What are you feeling now?"
Kitty: "Well I feel sad, I feel guilty and I'm afraid.  I'm afraid I am never going to get out of this fog I am in and I'm afraid I am never going to be able to be with another man."
Norah:  "Oh honey uhh Katherine.."
Dr. Alex interrupts Norah: "You know Katherine most people consider a year to be the minimum waiting period.  Statistics show..."
Norah now interrupts her:  "Well that's just jim dandy peachy keen Dr. Alex but statistics can't hold your hand at night or share a cup of coffee with you in the morning.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to lose a husband?"
Dr. Alex: "I, I"
Norah: "Well I do.  And so I know, listen Katherine you're grieving.  Not only for the husband you had lost but the life you had envisioned.  You're grieving for the future and all the plans and dreams you had in your head.  Now that's all gone.  There's a wonderful saying, "You have to give up the life you've planned to find the life that's waiting for you."  All our lives we grow by giving up things by loss and moving on.  Big things, little ones how we handle those losses really defines who we are."

There was more but that whole section just resonated with me.

Then in the 11/7/10 episode titled Resolved the part Scotty says to Kevin when talking about why he cheated on him sounded so much like me.  Except I never cheated on David.

Scotty explained that it is always about Kevin, that it sometimes feels like Kevin takes up all the oxygen in the room even.  That the one night he needed it to be about him (Scotty) once again it was about Kevin and him missing Robert and being upset.  And some guy showed Scotty attention and made it all about Scotty.  Kevin then asked why Scotty never told him before.  Scotty said because he liked it, he felt needed.  That growing up he felt ignored/invisible.  And see that is what happened with me and David.  I loved making it all about him, I felt needed like I never had before.  Yes there were times I wish it could have been about me but David well he was just David and it always ended up being about him without him even trying.  I think that is one of the problems I am having with him being gone.  I was so used to it being about him, I loved it being about him so much.  So I feel unneeded and so very much alone without him.  It's a void in my life that may never be completely filled again.